48: Mother-in-Law’s Tits

Long ago, I was married to a German Kitten. She, and her family were my first real experience with people of a different culture in more than a passing way.

Growing up in America, I think we don’t really learn anything meaningful about other countries or cultures. Sure we hear some of the history of things like WWII, but that’s about all we know about Germans.

We don’t know:

• How much Germans love bawdy jokes.
• The interesting things they sell in German airports.
• What it’s like to be in a German bar when Bon Jovi’s “It’s my Life” comes on and everyone starts screaming at the top of their lungs. (Which, by the way, is an amazing experience, even if one you can’t really plan for.)
• That small-town Germany looks like every Christmas card ever
• What it’s like when your hotel owner goes on vacation and just leaves you the keys to the hotel and says to leave booze money on the bar.

From our first time backpacking around Europe together, to the day this story happened, and much beyond, one lesson came up over and over. European people, and especially little German girls, are really not like Americans. Which I think really helped open my eyes to what a wild world we actually live in. It also kinda made me fall in love even more with European girls.

Well, at one point my soon-to-be mother-in-law had a cancer scare and ended up getting a double mastectomy in an effort to ‘go hard’ to treat it. Good news: she was successful. After the procedure, she had reconstructive surgery. (Since a woman’s tits are a big part of her identity.) Of course, she took advantage of this opportunity to order herself some super perky tits-of-a-twenty-something.

How do I know?

One day, after all the drain lines were out and whatnot, she said, “Hey, check these out!” and whips off her top. Her husband, and daughter, standing right there, and she’s suddenly topless. I’m blinking, and there behold to me, are my future mother-in-law’s tits. Which look amazing. The surgeon that did it definitely knew his craft, and had given her so smashing beautiful tits. Neither of her family members thought this was odd at all.

At which point I remembered: “Right… Germans.”

Fun fact: She and her daughter had been going to topless beaches together in Germany for many years.