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Rewards and Motivation

Ritualizing

You should have a formalized reward system for your submissive. (Yes, in addition to the head pats.) They thrive on structure. So a formal and regularly-applied reward system will provide the best motivation for them. As they do their chores, or whatever you’ve assigned them, you should give them some form of reward.

Reward Tokens

I suggest getting some kind of physical ‘currency’ like poker chips, gaming tokens with values on them, or even just marbles. Anything they can hold and touch and be reminded that they did good things.

Then come up with an exchange table for them to redeem their tokens for some kind of prize. The exchange can be anything you like: 100 tokens for a fancy dinner, $1 per token, whatever.

Do not take away rewards

Doms: You must never take away rewards that have been earned. You’ll use a different system for punishment and it must not be by taking away a sub’s earned rewards. Subs usually grow up with things being taken away from them all the time. So they learn not to value things because they know they’ll all get taken away eventually anyway, so why care about anything, right? 1

This relationship with you needs to be different. This needs to be the one relationship where they finally feel ‘safe’ and that they can enjoy their gifts knowing they’ll never be taken away from them. Believe me, it’s a huge deal to finally feel safe.

If you need to punish a sub, instead use proper punishment. Don’t take these rewards away!

Tokens I use

This was a campaign on Kickstarter a long time ago. I bought these for use with my submissives and set an exchange rate of 1 = $1. This makes it easy for the submissive to pick out whatever rewards they want. On average, I like to give out 15-30 tokens a week as payment for chores, and extra stuff done each week.

coins from Kickstarter

Other possible tokens

All of the following, and more, would work just fine

  • Marbles
  • Bottle Caps (Maybe for fans of the Fallout video games)
  • Poker chips
  • Puzzle pieces

Non-monetary Rewards

For some couples, instead of assigning a monetary value to tokens, it can be better to work out prize charts. 60 tokens gets them a date night. 500 gets them a weekend trip away with their Owner. Have fun making up a chart. Let the sub stick anything they want on it and assign it a value. Just be sure you don’t offer any reward you can’t or won’t be able to follow through on. Because if you break a promise on a reward, your sub may never fully trust you again.

“Bowl Club”

Another nice thing I like to use for my submissive, and s-type friends, is printing custom bowls for each of them. (Granted, I’m also big into petplay…) For each of the s-types that visit regularly, or whom I’ve dated, I would design a bowl for them and have it printed for them.

For my sub, it gives me a way to ritualize my feeding them. This takes the decision making of how much to eat, what mix to eat, etc, out of their hands and makes it my decision. (Which can also help if your partner has other troubles with eating.) It also has the effect of making the food you provide them feel like a ‘gift’ or an earned thing for the submissive. Some subs really liked the ritual of being required to clean and take care of their bowl. Some were happier when that was my responsibility so I could show I cared for them by keeping it clean for them. But either way, the bowl ended up meaning a lot to them.

Even for just s-type friends who like to visit my House, having a bowl in the cupboard with their name on it is a very special feeling for them. They know this is a place they are welcome and they belong. A place they are safe. Which are things all s-types need more of in their lives. Every time they open the cupboard and see it there, they will feel like they belong.

So I suggest you spend the $30 and get your sub a bowl. If you’re not good at art, use an AI image generator to make an image in a 10:1 ratio and paste it into Zazzle.

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  1. This shouldn’t be taken to be something that arises from trauma or only in subs who have been the victim of trauma. It can, and often does, arise in those who have not. Parents may have taken their favorite toys away as a punishment. Bullies may have taken things away at school. Or they may just have been asked to give up things they didn’t want to, but were unable to say “no”. ↩